June 11th, 2005

Beware the Engineer

Business As Usual

Now that the Star Wars saga is complete, various secret details are leaking out. One interesting fact is how the Rebel Base's engineers were able to find the Death Star's crucial weakness so quickly. It turns out all they needed to do was run a keyword search on the Death Star Project's email archive.

From: Lead, Power System Engineering
To: Lead, Infrastructure Systems
Subject: Design Change Request 894-546-165

Problem: Recently discovered vulnerability to enemy fire in thermal exhaust port. (See attachment A: Torpedo impact simulation)

Consequence: A lucky hit could trigger a catastrophic chain reaction in the reactor core. (See attachment B: Reactor failure simulation)

Solution: Build an S-bend into the exhaust path with rapid-action armored doors to prevent core penetrations (See attachment C: Preliminary S-bend design)

Resources: (Preliminary estimates only) 5.4 Megacredits parts and labor, 6 week delay in completion of reactor venting systems. This will place the RVS on the critical path and lead to a two week delay in system completion. (See attachment D: Manhours spreadsheet)

Recommendation: Approve. This could be catastrophic if not fixed.

From: Lead, Infrastructure Systems
To: Lead, Power System Engineering
Subject: CR 894-546-165

Have you been chewing deathsticks!? I can't believe you're seriously proposing a schedule delay after the Emperor's last message. We've been at this for eighteen years, if it was a real design flaw we'd've already found it. CR rejected.

PS: The next time you ask for a delay I'm forwarding it directly to Lord Vader so he can crush your throat as an example to the next engineer who doesn't care about meeting deadlines. How are you coming on my suggestion to remove the personnel station shielding from the beam projection conduits? That should save us at least 15 hours in assembly.